"When you're down, you're always down."

I don't really know what that line means (it's from the new Atlas Sound record), but it's a perfect example of one of those lines that sometimes, when I'm feeling like this (down), I believe I will never have the insight, wisdom, way with words, etc, to write.

That doesn't make any sense! If I don't know what it means, why would I get down on myself for not having thought of it first?

Ugh. I don't know. I do know that I will never write groundbreaking, breathtaking things if I don't write at all. But sometimes...I just don't feel like writing.

What should I do when I feel like that? Force it, and settle for mediocre writing, or wait for inspiration, therefore not write? Maybe that is why I would very much like to be in a writing program, where there is an exterior force compelling me to write, no matter how I feel. Jonathan and I have decided on March 1 as our chosen day, on which we will send each other our completed novels. Right now that seems very far away. I wish I felt more urgent.

I wish I spent less time wishing I felt some way other than I do.

Apropos: it is very, very easy to write things like this, i.e., self-indulgent, slightly whiny, repetitive things about my feelings. It is very, very hard to write a novel.

What this boils down to is this: Can I trust myself?

I think I have to.

If I don't, then why am I writing at all? If I can't, then maybe I need to learn to before I'll be able to finish a novel. If I refuse to, then I am dumber than I thought.

I repeat: I must trust myself.

This is very helpful to me to write. Thanks for reading.

And here is a picture of me and some friends, who made Mike Herbster's album I've Got It All, which will be out soon: